Hey!

I havent written in here for a bit. This past Monday i had one of the hardest nursing tests any of us had ever seen. When i got done i thought i had bombed it, but i managed to get an A somehow... not sure how though. lol Then the same day i got a sore throat. The next day i had clinicals. I havent had any real clinicals yet this term so it was a bit stressful remembering how to do all the charting and stuff on the computer system. By evening my fever was 101 degrees. I went to bed and by 4am i had no fever, so i was able to go to the hospital again the next day. I had a really nice patient to care for, so that was nice. The rest of this week i just have been taking it easy and trying to get over being sick. Hard to study when you dont feel so good. Grrrr!

I have so much that i need to be doing that it is crazy. I did manage to get all my stuff sent into the Oregon State Board of Nursing for my NCLEX-PN exam. That is, after shelling out over $300. Now all i need to do is study for the test! The exam is up to 5 hours long. Anyone wanna take it for me? :P Plus, i need to get my resume written soon, so i can start applying for jobs as an LPN. How come there are only 24 hours in a day instead of 36? hehe Sleep is way over rated anyway. At least for college students. I remember when going to bed at 11pm was late. Now i think that going to bed at .... hmm....2am and getting back up at 4:30am is called "a little too little amount of sleep". haha

Ok, off to hit da books again!

Some thoughts

God sees the beginning to the end and i see only the here and now. God is in control of everything as long as i let Him be in control. Sometimes though it is so hard to trust Him with everything. I think i know what is best. But if i try to do my own thing, it wont work out well because once again i only see the here and now. I may think that my plans are what is best for me but i dont see what is going to happen 10 years from now. But God does. And He takes all that into account when He controls my life. So God's plans may not go with my plans. God has promised that He will never give me more than i can bare and He will never leave or forsake me. Currently i think i can hardly handle all that i have right now. But if the Lord allows something else to happen then i will know that He knows that i can handle it with Him helping me. He is in in the process of refining my character and making me into His likeness.

Sometimes i try to tell God what to do, and then i am so disappointed when it doesnt work out. But that isnt totally surrendering to God. That is my telling God that i know better than He does and He better mind me or else! Mark 14:36 says: "And He said, "Abba father, all things are possible for You. Take this cup away from Me; nevertheless, not what i will but what You will" I have really struggled with that this week. That is total surrender. That is totally trusting God with everything. That is giving it all to God and letting Him control everything. It was a real struggle to get to that point and tell God that I want only what He wants in my life. He knows what is best and i am going to trust Him to work it out. I have to pray that prayer often though because i keep taking things out of Gods hands and saying: "Look ye here God, i know what is best in this matter.... you didnt do this when you were on this earth and so you dont know how to deal with this. So now, i shall tell you how it should work out. " Sigh... doesnt work out too hot when you tell God what to do. The cool thing about God is that He doesnt argue with me, He just says " fine... you try that and see what happens." Ooops... it doesnt go so well... You would think that i would learn eventually... but i keep taking things out of God's hands and trying to do stuff on my own. Hence things dont always go so well for me and i end up with a lot of heartbreak and disappointment that i could avoid just by trusting that God is working things out for me. I seem to learn in the school of hard knocks a lot. rofl But hey...if it takes hard knocks to make me learn... then i will take whatever it takes to help me learn!

All the stress of trying to move out in 10 weeks and stuff with relationships have really driven me to realize that God is really the only one i can trust and that He truly is always there for me to talk to. When everything else is taken away from you and you realize that God is the only one there for you.... it really drives you to Him and deepens your relationship with Him.

When you spend time getting to know someone and sharing with them and getting into a relationship with them, you grow to love and care for that person. The same is true with God. The more time i spend with God talking to Him, sharing my thoughts and feelings, letting Him talk to me, the more close i will get to Him and the more He will mean to me.

Sheesh... i better quit blabbing here.

Stress!

I am so stressed out right now with everything that has been going on. But God has promised that all things will work together for the good of those that love Him. I know that God is in the process of refining my character into the person He wants me to become! I just pray that i will always totally surrender everything to God so that He can accomplish what He needs to do in order to get me ready for His kingdom!

My future and all my plans and dreams and goals are in God's hands. He will guide me and show me in the way that i should go. I just have to trust Him.

Posting your comments

I updated my blog so that anyone can post comments. Before, only blogspot members could post comments. Now anyone out there can. So, tell me what ya think! :)

It is raining again...:(